I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
