he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
