We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Terrible idea I love it
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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