I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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