do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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