why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
they call him Oral-B. enough said
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
