Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
