He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
