:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
