That's intense
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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