What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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