Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
