so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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