Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
