i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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