The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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