I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I see more hoeing in ur future
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
