i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
