I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
