After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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