My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
