Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
