You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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