I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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