Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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