I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
her vagine was all disorganized.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
