i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I am puke
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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