Do you still have your period?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
