Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
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