Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He uses pillows to masturbate.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
