The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize