I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize