i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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