Barsexuality is the new black.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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