I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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