I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
