I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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