How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
