woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We are two peas in an std pod
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
