someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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