she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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