At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
