She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
