I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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