i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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