can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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