He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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