tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
