from now on my penis is your penis
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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