Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
