He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
