this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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