SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
