Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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