a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
