the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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