Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Do vagina's smell?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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