I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
