I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
