No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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