Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
