I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
