You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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