Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
