yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
