I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
