Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
