I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
These tits shall not be calmed
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
