coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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