On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
