Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
