she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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