Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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