Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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