Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
