what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
